Sometimes even writing isn’t as it seems. You may have to look at the ups and downs of writing in order to understand the feelings of a writer.
Hello readers!
There are so many different moods when it comes to writing. That’s why I want to share my adventure with the ups and downs of writing.
Let’s jump in!
The idea of writing as a possible career started in high school. I wrote a lot in middle school and I was always showing off my stories to my teachers and classmates. I was writing because I wanted to have the satisfaction of having my peers compliment my writing skills. That feeling only lasted for a couple of months.
When I got into high school I began writing things that were personal (typically high school girl, ugh). I could feel myself being transported onto the paper and I was hesitant to let people read that.
Many people thought that I was losing my drive because I stopped telling people what I was working on and wouldn’t let them read anything. It was during those months that I produced a majority of my short stories. After a year of only showing a select group of people my writings, I decided to not let anyone read anything I wrote. I became obsessed with the idea that it has to be perfect before anyone can read it.
Mentally that destroyed me because nothing could meet the standards I set for myself. My stories could not compare to Charles Dickens or John Green, and I flew down a writing spiral. I became nervous whenever someone asked me about my writing because I felt ashamed.
I was pulled out of this spiral in a harsh way, but it was exactly what I needed.
My high school English teacher had us do numerous writing exercises during classes and he graded them, which meant he had to read them. That part did not bother me too much because I trusted him and he gave me constructive feedback.
It was the spontaneous times that he decided to read what we wrote out loud to the entire class. It filled every part of my body with anxiety because I could not write something profound in the 20 minutes allotted to write.
I felt sick to my stomach whenever he started to read mine. My classmates always knew which was mine because of the constant style of writing and they all looked at me and I just wanted to hide in a hole. They never said anything bad about my writing, and usually, they would make fun remarks like, “Fine Ashlee, why don’t you just go write a book already and stop showing us up.” Those anxiety-filled times were able to bring me out of my dark place.
I still only let a select few people read my writings because I want it to be a surprise to most of my friends. I let my English teacher read everything I wrote during high school because I needed someone to tell me if I was going to fail at being a writer.
Nowadays I have a few close friends who read and edit my projects, but I no longer have crippling anxiety about sharing what I have written. It is a good feeling, and even though I don’t know if I am going to make it in the writing world, I find joy in writing whatever I can.
If you want to see a piece of my writing, you can check one out HERE!